Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween 2013

Happy Halloween :)

I'm rocking Si to sleep, Jason is at work and Janie is at school.

Si is going to be Frankenstein's monster and Janie was supposed to be the Bride of Frankenstein but she doesn't want to wear the wig... lol

So she's most likely going to be a zombie or something close to that.

It is definitely going to be a different Halloween than past ones...

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Doctors, doctors, doctors

Two doctors appointments yesterday. One with my OB-Gyn and one at the wound care center. My OB expected my incision to be completely closed. But it's not. So she's not releasing me to go back to work until the beginning of December. (I should probably add here that she wants to make me as happy as possible because all of this is their fault -- their as in the doctors who performed the c-section and later on did not do what they should have to stop the bleeding...)

The doctor at the wound care center changed the type of dressing that I will be using. It's some type of special pad that will help absorb the excessive drainage and blood that it has been producing. It definitely feels different. It is supposed to pull the skin towards it, helping it to close faster.

We will see...

My grandfather fell two nights ago and cracked his hip. The bad hip that he broke about 5 years ago. So in between my doctor appointments Jason and I went to Spring Hill to see him. I assumed they would do surgery, but since it is only fractured part of the way through, they are going to keep him through the weekend and release him Monday to rehab. 

So this completely changes things that my mom had planned for November. She was going to Dothan and taking Janie this coming weekend for the Peanut Festival, but now, probably not...

Ahh well.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

More blood

Well my incision is now 9 centimeters across and .9 centimeters tall. There is absolutely no depth to it at all :) 

I've come a long way since this first began back in August. Then it measured over 22 centimeters wide, 7-8 centimeters deep, and at least that tall.

But here's the strange thing... it is bleeding more now than it was a week ago. 

When I stepped out of the shower this evening, blood ran down my legs and onto the floor. And it just kept pouring. 

Jason got me some paper towels to clean up most of the blood, and he's not concerned. The nurse did say that as long as it's bleeding that means it is getting good blood supply which it needs to heal.

I just don't understand why there's more blood...

There should be less.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Two month shots

Si slept from 9 o'clock last night until 4 o'clock this morning! I am still amazed... 

He had a doctors appointment for his two month shots yesterday and I had an appointment at the Wound Care Center in Mobile yesterday, so we spent all day down that way. Jason and I went on down to Gulf Shores for the Shrimp Festival. But that wasn't Si's idea of a good time... it was also hot as 3 hells outside... so needless to say, we didn't stay very long.

Jami and Emmie came home yesterday also :) I love that kid! She is a handful but she is so hilarious! 

I've got to take pictures of Janie and Si sometime this weekend so I can get started on our Christmas cards. My sister has already ordered hers!

I should probably get some sleep since Si may be back up in a couple of hours. I still cannot believe that he slept for 7 hours straight...

Saturday, October 5, 2013

I miss her...

I shouldn't care. I absolutely should not care at all.

But I do...

I was so unequivocally over-joyed today when the doctor took me off of the wound vac that I couldn't think of anything else. I immediately began sending text messages to my friends and family telling them that the doctor had taken me off of the vac. I cannot begin to explain how wonderful it felt all day not to be tethered to that confounded thing.

And tonight, I was able to take a shower. Like normal people do. I didn't have to wait until a day that the home health nurse would be coming (as I have been having to for over the past month). I can take a shower now any time that I want :) 

It is amazing the things that I use to take for granted that I haven't been able to do.

Shower on a regular basis.

Drive my car.

Go to the grocery store.

Walk distances longer than 100 yards.

And now I can start doing some of those things again. The stamina thing will be something that will happen over time. I don't plan on running any 5Ks anytime soon, if you know what I mean...

But the thing that I will never get back...

The way I was.

The way I use to look.

I've never had an awesome body. But it was MY body. And I knew every inch of it.

Heck, I've had it for 34 years, right?

But now... I have the beginnings of this hideous scar.

And not only a scar. It has actually changed the way my body is shaped. I hope I will be able to hide all of the disfigurement when I am clothed. And that is all I should care about, right?

Well, that is easier said than done...

I stood in the shower tonight and cried...

I cried so hard that my Janie came to the door and asked me if I was alright. She could hear me in the next room. I thought the noise of the shower would hide my weeping, but I was wrong.

I feel so shallow. So vain... 

But I just want my old body back.

The one that I wasn't even that proud of.

But it was mine.

I cannot even continue to type this entry. The tears are beginning to well up once again. I am better than this. I am stronger than this.

But I still want to be able to feel like Leigh again. I miss her.

Friday, October 4, 2013

No more vac!

No more wound vac!!!!!

I'm not completely healed by any means, but the doctor said I didn't need the vacuum anymore :D

I am a happy camper :) :) :)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Should I post pictures?

I have numerous pictures of my incision that we started taking about 5 weeks ago. I haven't posted them anywhere because they are pretty graphic and gruesome. 

But I am thinking about posting them here... I'd need to upload them to my Flickr account and embed them in an entry here... I'm not sure yet though... graphic images of an open c-section incision... 

Too much??