back to work tomorrow

I'm going back to work tomorrow. I'm kinda looking forward to it, but it sure has been nice being off :) tomorrow is Friday so this will ease me back into the routine better than starting back on Monday and having to work the entire week. Plus that's one less sick leave day I have to use.

I don't feel like I have lost any weight. I was weighed on Tuesday when I went to see Dr Hussain and their scale said I weighed the exact same amount that I did the day before surgery. I sure hope that scale is wrong...

I think Jason is working Saturday so I'm not sure what Janie, Si and I will do that day. One of Si's daycare friends has a birthday party that morning at 11, so I know we'll go to that.

I have a check up with Dr Ringold next Wednesday at 8:30 that morning. My mom wants to go with me. She said it was because Jason wouldn't have to take off from work to go with me.

Yeah... not sure how I feel about that...

pain meds

I'm feeling better. A lot of this emotional craziness is from all the pain I'm in from surgery. I haven't wanted to take my pain medication because I know when it's gone, it's gone. But I shouldn't let myself get to hurting so bad that I feel like I did earlier.

Tomorrow I plan on going to work. Not to teach, because it is an in-service day, but to get assignments ready for my students while I am out this week. Janie will go with me and I think Jason plans on taking Si to Mrs. Donna. So we will get to have a mommy-daughter day :) maybe we can go get pedicures together :)

Tuesday I have a doctor's appointment with Dr Hussain in the morning. Ms Pat will also be here that day so I hope to get some stuff done around town while she is here. I'm not sure why but I feel uncomfortable being here when she's here. When I see Dr Hussain I am going to ask him to refill my pain medication prescription. I hope he will...

Si is being stubborn and doesn't want to take a nap. I really want to take one.. lol

I love nap time :)

lime jello and popsicles

Hopefully tomorrow I get discharged. I had another upper GI done this morning and they told me it looked great :)

Today I ate almost a full cup of lime jello for lunch. For supper I had two sugar free popsicles. The popsicles were definitely better than the yogurt lol

The CNA wanted me to walk the halls so I did for about 15 minutes. And my nurse (not the mean nurse from last night -thank goodness!) Gave me phenergen to help me sleep and dilaudid for pain.

I sure have missed my sweet baby Si...

Janie and Jason went to go watch a movie and then they're going to watch the fireworks in downtown Mobile :)

moan and groan

I just went walking around the halls of the hospital. I passed by a few rooms and I think this must be the bariatric wing of the hospital. I even kinda recognized one guy from the class we had to take.
Night Nurse Lady has been a completely different person than she was earlier.

I hate to be a complainer. I dispise having to hear someone complain over and over again, especially about the same thing. It's monotonous and idiotic. I also hate nagging. That's why I don't nag Jason. I'll ask once; that's it. If it isn't done after that, either it won't be done or I will do it myself. I had to do a lot for myself when I was married to Chris because he was gone off working construction so much. I just got used to it.

But this time it really paid off to complain and moan and groan about things.

Or maybe it was the subtle hint that I was going to complain to her boss...

Yep. That was probably it ;)

too little too late

I am about to fire my nurse.

She is uncaring and rude. When I ask her for pain medication she huffs at me. She's been late bringing it to me every time. Once I had to wait over 2 hours.

I have a bad feeling that if u was a different race she wouldn't be treating me like this.

And what is amazing is that when she could tell that I was mad she immediately did a 180 and started acting like she cared and even apologizing.

Too little, too late.

closet optimist

I survived surgery! I'm now sitting in my hospital room waiting on midnight so I can get my next dose of dilaudid. I haven't had anything to eat or drink since yesterday evening. I'm definitely not hungry but I sure am thirsty!

I am soooooooooo sore... my insides are all messed up. I should have expected this, but of course I didn't. That's the down side of being a closet optimist.

I can't wait to see my Baby Si! It was 2 years ago today that I found iut I was pregnant with him.

And the rest is history :) beautiful, wonderful history :)

good date

Surgery day :)

I am actually laying in the pre-op room waiting on them to take me to surgery.

My stomach is in knots. I've had to go to the bathroom twice already. Hopefully everything will go smoothly and they nurses won't have any hilarious stories to tell about me later lol

Jason is planning on taking Janie and Si to the Hank Aaron Stadium so they can see the Christmas lights tonight. And tomorrow night they'll get to see fireworks!

It was 2 years ago today that I found out I was pregnant with Si :)

December 30th is a good date :)

less

Last night my mom called. I had to call her back because I had missed her call when I was giving Si a bath. I knew something was wrong when she didn't leave me a voicemail.

She asked me if I was alright. I told her I was great :) and I am great :)

Not far into the conversation she started to cry. She even asked me, "who do you go to when you need help?"

She cried almost the entire time we were on the phone. I almost started to feel sorry for her but I can't forget about how she has treated me ans made me feel like less. Less than a mother. Less than a daughter. Less than a human being. I do hope she feels better. I even told her she should go to the doctor and ask about getting on an antidepressant because it would help her immensely. She's probably not going to do that (because she thinks that would be like admitting something is wrong with her).

That old adage about leading a horse to water is definitely true.

I do wish someone (not me) had the guts to go to my uncle and tell him he had better start helping with his parents or his say-so in how they are cared for was going to be null and void. He's a real piece of work.

I expected a call this morning. She calls me every Sunday morning around 9 asking about taking Janie to church. But not today. I almost want to call her and make sure she's alright.

Almost.

But... maybe I do need to call and check on my daddy...

Life changing

Last friday I got a life changing phone call. 

I was approved by my health insurance company for bariatric surgery.

Now... I have been through this process before. I was approved over 10 years ago and backed out at the last possible minute because I basically freaked out. There were too many people there and they were crying and staring at me... it was overwhelming.

This time though, I am determined not to back out.

No more vac!

No more wound vac!!!!!

I'm not completely healed by any means, but the doctor said I didn't need the vacuum anymore :D

I am a happy camper :) :) :)

Should I post pictures?

I have numerous pictures of my incision that we started taking about 5 weeks ago. I haven't posted them anywhere because they are pretty graphic and gruesome. 

But I am thinking about posting them here... I'd need to upload them to my Flickr account and embed them in an entry here... I'm not sure yet though... graphic images of an open c-section incision... 

Too much??

Sick leave request

I finally finished the letter I am turning in to the board requesting my coworkers to donate sick leave days so that I can stay off from work...

On August 10, 2013 I had a C-section. Initially, the surgery went smoothly and Si was born at 11:32 am. That evening around 7 o'clock I was in more pain than I have ever experienced in my life. I had every nurse on the floor in my hospital room at one time. They even called the doctor who had performed the C-section back to the hospital because of the amount of pain I was in. After four hours of crying, begging, having an anxiety attack, and my blood pressure plummeting to 65/30, they determined that I had a hematoma in between two of the layers of stitches. 

I was told that they were hopeful that the hematoma would resolve itself over time. This is not, however, how things worked out. I was released from the hospital on Wednesday, August 14th. By Friday, August 16th my incision had started to pour blood. I went back to the doctor on Tuesday, August 20th and found out that the hematoma that formed the night that Si was born after my C-section has burst through my incision. And that is where the blood has been coming from. I also found out that it will take much longer for me to heal from this surgery because instead of remaining sewn together, the doctor had to cut through most of my stitches and pull out as much of the old blood from the hematoma as possible and pack the wound with gauze. And my husband has to help me by packing the incision with gauze two to three times a day.

I went back to the doctor on Thursday, August 22nd for her to try to scoop out the blood from the hematoma. Very painful is an understatement. After laying there through agony for about 5 minutes (which I promise seemed much longer than 5 minutes) she asked me about having surgery the following morning to get the rest of the blood out. This means I would be put to sleep and she would really be able to get in there and clean all of it out. So I was scheduled for out-patient surgery at 8:30 the following morning, Friday, August 23rd.

After being home for less than 24 hours, the home health nurse called the hospital to have me re-admitted for pain management and to be outfitted with a wound-vac. I was also given 4 units of blood because my hemoglobin level had fallen to 5 (a normal level is 12). I have fought off two infections through all of this. I have been admitted to the hospital a total of 3 separate times. A home health nurse comes to see me at my house every Monday and Wednesday to change the gauze from my open C-section incision and re-hook up my wound vac. Every Friday I make a trip to Mobile to the Wound Care Center to see the doctor there and have them re-evaluate my incision and redress my wound. 

I have been told by the doctor at the Wound Care Center, that I will need a minimum of 2 more months off from work, and I will exhaust my sick leave well before that time comes. I hope to return to work by November 6th. I would much rather return to work healthy than stay where I am presently, but to make that return a reality, I would really appreciate any donated days my colleagues would be willing to spare during this difficult time. 

Photog slacker...

Si is one month old today. I haven't even taken my camera out of its case in over a month. That should prove how sick I have been... I have taken pictures with my phone but it just isn't the same. Maybe tomorrow I will take a one month shot of Si... 

I am starting to feel like a slacker... in more ways than just a photog slacker...

Walking

Tomorrow Jason goes back to work. He has been off with me for the past four weeks. It will definitely be different without him here, but I'm sure I can handle it :)

The home health nurse is scheduled to come tomorrow so I will need someone here to stay with Si while she changes the dressing on my incision. Either Jason will come home then or his mom will come over. Both Si and I have doctor appointments on Wednesday in Mobile and then I have to go back to the wound care center in Mobile on Friday. I can already tell there is an air leak around the port for the vac this time. It started yesterday and has gotten a little more noticeable today. I am hopeful that it holds until the nurse comes tomorrow. 

We went walking today. Just up the street and back but it was a good feeling just to be outside for a change.

17.5 centimeters

I had an appointment at the wound care center today. It went much smoother than last week. No tears at all today. The pain has become much mire bearable than it was in the beginning and I can move around so much easier. It is amazing how much better I am now. Last Friday my incision measured 20.5 centimeters across. Today it measured 17.5 centimeters across. It has closed 3 whole centimeters!! Which is awesome!!

The depth of the wound in the center is 6 cm which is about the same as it was last week. And the goal of all of this is for it to heal from the inside out without leaving any voided space that could become a problem later (such as an abscess).

I am still looking at being off from work for 2 more months. And I don't even know if my sick leave has been approved... I simply cannot go back to work like this. I surely hope that it is approved soon...

Today I took the breastfeeding pump I had rented back to the store. It kinda made me sad... to know that I really absolutely would not be pumping any more. I had wanted so badly to do it this time. But it just didn't work out that way...

Looking forward

I sincerely look forward to being able to walk around my home without having to unplug this wound-vac.

I look forward to being able to go into the Post Office without having to worry about people staring at me because of this clear tubing that runs from under my shirt to the little black purse I constantly carry on my left shoulder.

I look forward to not having to wait for the days that the home health nurse is coming for me to be able to take a shower.

I look forward to the day that I can go to Mobile with Jason for a reason other than a doctor's appointment or hospital admission.

And I will never forget this journey. Because I have learned a great deal about myself and about the people closest to me. Some good, and some bad. But I think I have learned the most about myself.

Antibiotic

The doctor at the wound care center was blown away that I'm not taking an antibiotic to prevent infection. But that also means that some of the medicine could get into the breast milk that I pump for Si. So it looks like I won't be pumping much longer...

He said I could continue to give Si the milk, but I would have to watch him closely and check for signs of a rash...

Nope.

It's not worth making him sick. I've been able to pump and give him milk for 3 weeks. And that's all I can do. It does make me sad, though. I had really wanted to do this. But pumping also puts a strain on my body and could cause it to take longer to heal.

So it makes sense to stop, right?

Wound care center

At this very moment, Jason and I are at the wound care center. This is quite possibly the scariest place I have ever been... there are elderly, sick people everywhere. I am the youngest person here, save the two young children running around in the waiting room... I would never bring Janie or Si here if I could help it.

I think it's time for another Percocet... I wish I had an Ativan or a Xanax... I may need it to make it through this appointment...

Duration

Today has been a much better day than yesterday. My outlook in life has returned to normal. So I don't feel hopeless, at least today I haven't.

Jason's parents got us a king sized bed for the living room because I cannot make it upstairs to sleep in our bed. This is the first night in a month that I will be sleeping in a bed next to my husband.
It is an awesome feeling :) I didn't realize how much I had missed sleeping next to him until I could actually do it.

Today when Brooke and I were having a random text message conversation, I realized something. Since I walk so slow now and so stooped over, and I always carry this little purse with me everywhere I go (even to the bathroom) I bare a stark resemblance to Sophia from The Golden Girls...

And that is proof that I have kept my sense of humor through all of this ;)

I hope I am able to keep it for the duration.

Breaking point

This pain is to the point of unbearable. I'm not sure how much more I can take. And it doesn't feel like anyone around me truly understands what absolute agony this is.

Right now, at this very moment, I loathe my life. And if it wasn't for Janie and Si, I honestly don't know what I would do ..