and again...

Seriously... Dealing with this AGAIN this year... My poor child is doomed to be stuck with those kids until she graduates... Or we move...

I wrote a letter to the superintendent a few years back explaining the horrors of having to deal with them in a classroom all day long (since they didn't change classes then) and we got a reprieve last year. It was nice not to have to worry about a student hitting her or spitting on her. With the other issues we had last year, I probably would have had a nervous break down.

I firmly believe that the rights of special education students surpass the rights of regular education and gifted students in the classroom. Which is no politically correct to say, especially since I am in education.

But it is the truth.

And sometimes the truth hurts.

Adios

Apparently this blog has been more popular lately than I realized...

Sometimes I wish I could voice my opinion out loud for the world to hear. And other times I am thankful that I don't have that aggressive quality. This is my outlet. This is my therapy. If something happens that I feel is unjust, especially when it deals with family, I vent my frustrations and animosity here.

But that is about to change... If you know me, you'll know where to go to find me.

Adios Blogger :)

hornet's nest

Some things aren't worth fighting over.

Over the weekend, i think SIL#1 and I buried the hatchet, so to speak. I apologized to her and she actually apologized to me. It felt good to get it over and done with. Not that I see us hanging out as BFFs any time soon. We are just different. And we're family. We don't have to be best friends just because we are family. We don't even have to agree.

Things didn't work out as well between Fiance and SIL#1... I told Jason it was like coming up on a hornets nest, and I wasn't one to poke at a hornet's nest.

Hopefully things will blow over and everyone will play nice.

Jason and I went to Needham, Alabama on Saturday. Janie spent the day with Chris, so it was just me, Jason and Si. There's less than 100 people that live in Needham. I'm pretty sure they knew we were out-of-towners...

They have a small park in the town that is centered around the old Walter Wilson gristmill. There is also a log cabin that has been re-built using timbers from old homes that were donated to the town. It's a nice park. Much nicer than I expected for a town of only 94 people...

The rest of the pictures I took are on my flickr page.

less

Last night my mom called. I had to call her back because I had missed her call when I was giving Si a bath. I knew something was wrong when she didn't leave me a voicemail.

She asked me if I was alright. I told her I was great :) and I am great :)

Not far into the conversation she started to cry. She even asked me, "who do you go to when you need help?"

She cried almost the entire time we were on the phone. I almost started to feel sorry for her but I can't forget about how she has treated me ans made me feel like less. Less than a mother. Less than a daughter. Less than a human being. I do hope she feels better. I even told her she should go to the doctor and ask about getting on an antidepressant because it would help her immensely. She's probably not going to do that (because she thinks that would be like admitting something is wrong with her).

That old adage about leading a horse to water is definitely true.

I do wish someone (not me) had the guts to go to my uncle and tell him he had better start helping with his parents or his say-so in how they are cared for was going to be null and void. He's a real piece of work.

I expected a call this morning. She calls me every Sunday morning around 9 asking about taking Janie to church. But not today. I almost want to call her and make sure she's alright.

Almost.

But... maybe I do need to call and check on my daddy...

done

My mom and I had a horrible fight today. It's been pretty much all I have been able to think about ever since I hung up the phone. Apparently someone told her that I was mean to Jason about his weight and she thinks I am being insensitive to other people because I am planning on having this surgery next week.

I broke down and cried. I yelled at her. I even cursed at her. And she never would tell me who told her I said such a horrible thing to Jason. It makes me wonder if she made it up.

She thinks I am being mean. Not that this is any different than the past 30 or so years. She also thinks I'm not taking this surgery seriously and she thinks I won't be able to do it.

I am done.

I cannot continue to allow her to berate me. She's been able to get into my head and cause me to think of myself in the negative way that she thinks of me.

I have had two huge fights with her lately. One was the week of thanksgiving and now this. It all boils down to her being unhappy. She thinks I blame her for all of my problems. She also thinks I hate my sister.

I don't hate anyone. Especially not my own sister.

When I went to a workshop in Tuscaloosa I downloaded a recording app to my phone. I didn't realize it was a phone conversation recorder. I wanted to record the audio from the workshop because it was very informative and interesting.

I had no clue how much I would use that phone conversation recorder. She seems to always say things to me while we are on the phone. It is probably because she knows I will get very upset and she doesn't have the guts to. Be so mean to me in person. Plus if no one else hears what she says she can deny it.

Well those days are over.

She told me in the conversation today that I said something earlier in the conversation that I knew I did not say. I was able to go back and make sure I had not said it. She doesn't realize that I've been recording her when we talk. But after today, I have a feeling she will find out soon.

I know she's unhappy with her life.

But that isn't my fault.

She doesn't want to take care of her parents but no one else will step up and help, so she is miserable and I am her mental punching bag of sorts.

But I am done.

I am scheduled for surgery on Tuesday at 9 that morning. I don't want her there and I've told her so. She wants Janie to stay with her and my daddy while I'm in the hospital. But after today's conversation Jason wants to get a hotel room for them (him, Janie and Si) to stay in.

I have got to realize that our relationship will never be picturesque like hers and my sister's. It will simply never happen. And I am starting to be fine with that.

I won't argue anymore.

I won't confide in her ever again.

I have got to stop allowing her negativity to rule my life.

This is my life. Not hers.