Nosy Nancy?

Asking how someone is doing or how their son or daughter is doing is not being nosy. Asking if someone is okay is not being nosy. 

It is being polite. It is being concerned. It is being human. It is being kind. It is being considerate.

It is part of being southern.

In the south we have good manners and use them often. We are hospitable – and part of that is asking about someone’s well-being. It is not meant in any way to be intrusive.

Just throwing that out there.

The worst students

So... I got in trouble for my behavior during our Google group hang out this past Thursday evening. It was the first time I had been successful in joining a hangout (Internet issues all summer at my house) and I found the draw feature while the meeting was going on. I didn't realize everyone in the meeting would be able to see what I was doing. 

I promise I meant no harm in what I was doing. I eluded to this in the post I made with the image from the Google Hangout from last week.

I am very excited to be a part of this group and I hope I have not caused any problems for anyone. I received an email from a group member (kind of like the team-leader actually -- much more seniority in the group than I have) that berated me any my actions. I was out to eat with my husband, son and father-in-law when I received the email (not exactly what I wanted to read in the middle of my meal) two days after the meeting.  I hope to be able to continue as a part of this (in my view) prestigious group. This is what I honestly believe God put me on this Earth for - to teach kids about computer science. I have never been this happy as a teacher before. 

I honestly hope they know I did not mean any harm, and I especially did not mean to hinder anyone from being able to pay attention or to receive help during the meeting (which is what I was accused of doing in the email). My personality is not that of a "normal" teacher; I have always felt more comfortable in a programming shop or in my computer lab at school than I ever have been in a normal classroom. 

This whole incident has caused me to feel anxiety whenever I see an email in my inbox about anything to do with the CS project from this summer.  It's ridiculous and I hope it goes away soon...

I guess teachers can be the worst students sometimes...

I didn't realize until I was in my twenties that I actually love to learn. I had already graduated from college and was working as a programmer and I couldn't get enough knowledge. I would read anything and everything I could on the Internet (this was in 2001 so that net was still young but not in its infancy -- kinda like a rebellious teenager -- everything looked kinda off and CSS was just coming to the forefront of web programming which was helping everything finally become more polished and professional). Up until that point learning had been my job. I was a student and had been since I was 5 in kindergarten. I learned something new every day and I took it for granted. I never looked at it as something I should be grateful for.

Now, I am absolutely grateful that I had wonderful teachers in elementary and high school, and college. Some of the teachers that taught me are the ones I currently work with now. (Some of them are teachers I never had, and I am grateful that I didn't have to sit through them lol)

I hope that both of my children are as blessed as I was in school. Having a bad teacher can change your life. If someone doesn't believe in you, or someone is mean just for the sake of being mean, that can color your judgement of learning and can change your entire life. I want to be a positive influence. I hope I have been over the past 11 years.

Censored

I finally got my daughter's report card from last year (I wasn't worried about it because now that parents can log in to the home portal and view grades, I had kept up with her scores) and included with the report card was a ██████████████████████████████████.

Now, last year was the first year I had not checked up on her teachers to make sure that the standards were being taught. I had never had an issue with any of the teachers in the past, and I started a new program at my job (going from curriculum to another) and in hindsight, I was a slacker. I put my job priorities over those of being a good helicopter mom... *snicker*


Her grades on her report card ███████████████████████. Now, I had issues with ███████████████████████ and even got ███████████████████████ over my ███████████████████████. I ███████████████████████, even if only ███████████████████████because at the time it didn't matter much anyway. What was done, was done.

But ███████████████████████. I cannot go back and undo what I did, or even redo it. It wouldn't make much sense now anyway. All I can do is put my faith in the teachers she has now. And I do have faith in them. Every one of them is good at what they do and she is a bright child.

Oh, and ███████████████████████.

P.S. If you (███████████████████████) see fit to ███████████████████████. The old ███████████████████████. Can you say, BLOCKED?? Sucks, huh? :)

5 Indicators of an Evil and Wicked Heart

http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/5-indicators-of-an-evil-and-wicked-heart.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fbpage&utm_campaign=cwupdate

These points were taken from the above article.. I have found solice in the fact that there are other people in the world like me. We are the ones who absolutely do not understand why anyone would want to be so mean and evil to other people.

1. Evil hearts are experts at creating confusion and contention.
2. Evil hearts are experts at fooling others with their smooth speech and flattering words.
3. Evil hearts crave and demand control, and their highest authority is their own self-reference.
4. Evil hearts play on the sympathies of good-willed people, often trumping the grace card.
5. Evil hearts have no conscience, no remorse.

They want you to believe that:
1. Their horrible actions should have no serious or painful consequences.
2. That if I talk like a gospel-believing Christian I am one, even if my actions don’t line up with my talk.
 

Restricted

So Google+ has a block feature :) That along with Facebook's Restricted Friends' list has allowed me to remove some negativity from my life. Well, it has allowed me to lessen their involvement in my online posting. If you want to see my pictures and follow my life, don't be mean and suck it up when you do something wrong. Making excuses for yourself only makes you look pathetic.

So maybe I won't have to abandon Blogger after all :)

As for what caused my sudden aversion for the site yesterday, maybe I can explain later... 

less

Last night my mom called. I had to call her back because I had missed her call when I was giving Si a bath. I knew something was wrong when she didn't leave me a voicemail.

She asked me if I was alright. I told her I was great :) and I am great :)

Not far into the conversation she started to cry. She even asked me, "who do you go to when you need help?"

She cried almost the entire time we were on the phone. I almost started to feel sorry for her but I can't forget about how she has treated me ans made me feel like less. Less than a mother. Less than a daughter. Less than a human being. I do hope she feels better. I even told her she should go to the doctor and ask about getting on an antidepressant because it would help her immensely. She's probably not going to do that (because she thinks that would be like admitting something is wrong with her).

That old adage about leading a horse to water is definitely true.

I do wish someone (not me) had the guts to go to my uncle and tell him he had better start helping with his parents or his say-so in how they are cared for was going to be null and void. He's a real piece of work.

I expected a call this morning. She calls me every Sunday morning around 9 asking about taking Janie to church. But not today. I almost want to call her and make sure she's alright.

Almost.

But... maybe I do need to call and check on my daddy...

nope

Am I scared? Of course I am. I honestly have been very cool about all of this until yesterday and the infamous conversation with my mom.

She thinks I'm not taking this seriously at all. That may be because I haven't acted scared about it in the least bit.

But yes, I am scared. Who wouldn't be?

But am I going to admit that to her?

Nope.

done

My mom and I had a horrible fight today. It's been pretty much all I have been able to think about ever since I hung up the phone. Apparently someone told her that I was mean to Jason about his weight and she thinks I am being insensitive to other people because I am planning on having this surgery next week.

I broke down and cried. I yelled at her. I even cursed at her. And she never would tell me who told her I said such a horrible thing to Jason. It makes me wonder if she made it up.

She thinks I am being mean. Not that this is any different than the past 30 or so years. She also thinks I'm not taking this surgery seriously and she thinks I won't be able to do it.

I am done.

I cannot continue to allow her to berate me. She's been able to get into my head and cause me to think of myself in the negative way that she thinks of me.

I have had two huge fights with her lately. One was the week of thanksgiving and now this. It all boils down to her being unhappy. She thinks I blame her for all of my problems. She also thinks I hate my sister.

I don't hate anyone. Especially not my own sister.

When I went to a workshop in Tuscaloosa I downloaded a recording app to my phone. I didn't realize it was a phone conversation recorder. I wanted to record the audio from the workshop because it was very informative and interesting.

I had no clue how much I would use that phone conversation recorder. She seems to always say things to me while we are on the phone. It is probably because she knows I will get very upset and she doesn't have the guts to. Be so mean to me in person. Plus if no one else hears what she says she can deny it.

Well those days are over.

She told me in the conversation today that I said something earlier in the conversation that I knew I did not say. I was able to go back and make sure I had not said it. She doesn't realize that I've been recording her when we talk. But after today, I have a feeling she will find out soon.

I know she's unhappy with her life.

But that isn't my fault.

She doesn't want to take care of her parents but no one else will step up and help, so she is miserable and I am her mental punching bag of sorts.

But I am done.

I am scheduled for surgery on Tuesday at 9 that morning. I don't want her there and I've told her so. She wants Janie to stay with her and my daddy while I'm in the hospital. But after today's conversation Jason wants to get a hotel room for them (him, Janie and Si) to stay in.

I have got to realize that our relationship will never be picturesque like hers and my sister's. It will simply never happen. And I am starting to be fine with that.

I won't argue anymore.

I won't confide in her ever again.

I have got to stop allowing her negativity to rule my life.

This is my life. Not hers.

rabid wombat

recently there has been a child in Janie's class that has been bullying her and her friends. she is calling them names and just being your run of the mill little punk.

the girl has gotten into trouble for it numerous times and things had gotten much better.
until today.

apparently this kid was making fun of one of Janie's friends today because the little girl had gotten bit by her dog on the nose. janie said it didn't look that bad. but the bully said that instead of the dog just biting her on the nose, she hoped that next time the dog bit her in the neck.

now... the rational part of me wants to think that this child, the bully, has some reason for acting out and she doesn't really understand what she said. maybe she doesn't realize that she wished bodily harm to the point of killing the little girl. she needs help on multiple levels.

the crazy momma in me wants to jerk her up and put the fear of God into her scrawny little self...
I contacted the school and spoke with the assistant principal. she tried to downplay what had been said and didn't seem surprised at all by what i told her.

this is a good example of why i am glad i have a call recorder on my cell phone.

i tried to contact the girl's mom (the girl who is being bullied, mot the bully) but she never responded to my message.

The assistant principal told me that she would 'deal with' the situation first thing in the morning.
i am a teacher. granted i teach high school which is worlds different from elementary or middle school, BUT there is absolutely no way i would tolerate any student acting the way this child has been acting. and as lax as my administrator can be on things, i highly doubt he would allow such behavior to continue.

i have become THAT mother, a mother bear defending her cubs from a rabid wombat.

national junior beta club

Today my Janie was inducted into the National Junior Beta Club :)

I am so very proud of her!! She's been having problems with a girl at school bullying her and some of her friends. I had hoped to see the girl today; you know, just to be able to put a face with the name I hear so much.

But guess what?

She wasn't in the group that was inducted.

Apparently she's not that great of a student. Which may be part of the reason she is mean to Janie and her friends. Because the three girls that she picks on the most are all very smart.

♡☆♡☆♡☆♡

This is the week before final exams. In college it's referred to as "dead week" and I think I understand why now. By this point everyone is dead tired of school.

Or it could be that this is the week that some kids find out they're no way going to pass a class - so their dead... ;)

Si has a pediatric cardiologist appointment tomorrow at noon. Jason is taking him because I don't have many sick leave days left. Si has a slight heart murmur. His pediatrician said it wasn't out of the ordinary for babies to have a slight heart murmur,but she wants to have him checked out just to make sure...

Goodness gracious, I hope it's nothing...