Friday, August 30, 2013

Wound care center

At this very moment, Jason and I are at the wound care center. This is quite possibly the scariest place I have ever been... there are elderly, sick people everywhere. I am the youngest person here, save the two young children running around in the waiting room... I would never bring Janie or Si here if I could help it.

I think it's time for another Percocet... I wish I had an Ativan or a Xanax... I may need it to make it through this appointment...

Thursday, August 29, 2013


Today has been a much better day than yesterday. My outlook in life has returned to normal. So I don't feel hopeless, at least today I haven't.

Jason's parents got us a king sized bed for the living room because I cannot make it upstairs to sleep in our bed. This is the first night in a month that I will be sleeping in a bed next to my husband.
It is an awesome feeling :) I didn't realize how much I had missed sleeping next to him until I could actually do it.

Today when Brooke and I were having a random text message conversation, I realized something. Since I walk so slow now and so stooped over, and I always carry this little purse with me everywhere I go (even to the bathroom) I bare a stark resemblance to Sophia from The Golden Girls...

And that is proof that I have kept my sense of humor through all of this ;)

I hope I am able to keep it for the duration.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Breaking point

This pain is to the point of unbearable. I'm not sure how much more I can take. And it doesn't feel like anyone around me truly understands what absolute agony this is.

Right now, at this very moment, I loathe my life. And if it wasn't for Janie and Si, I honestly don't know what I would do ..

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

On-call home health nurse

Home sweet home...

Although it was definitely an experience getting here and even being here... on the way home, maybe 20 miles from the hospital, I realized that the dressing for my wound vac had come loose and I was leaking blood and fluid all over my pants. Of course I freaked out (just another item to add my my Murphy list) but Jason stayed calm. He called my home health nurse who said she would try to contact the wound care center (but of course they were already closed because bad things like to happen to me right after closing time) and she told Jason what to do to fix it if he could. And if he couldn't then she would call the on-call nurse to come to my house.

As soon as we got home Jason was able to fix the leak and everything was fine. That was about 6 o'clock. It's now half past 8 and I have another leak. From a different place than what Jason fixed. So he called Tammy again and she contacted the on-call nurse who is now on her way here.

This has been one helluva day. It's been a helluva past 17 days!

Murphy's Law

Now I am ready to be home. It has been a trying day so far. So many problems have crept up I cannot even begin to detail them all. Throughout this entire hospital stay, Murphy's Law has ruled my world. The biggest one was my wound vac that I was to be sent home with didn't work.

So we have been stuck at the hospital for the past 2 hours waiting on a new one.

I am so ready to hold my baby Si. And I am so damn ready to see my Janie. I have felt lost without her...

I have never in my entire life been so ready to be home. It is time. It is past time.

17 days

Si is 17 days old... out of the past 17 days, I have been in the hospital for 10 days.

And today I go home.

I am scared to death...

Monday, August 26, 2013

Scared to go home...

Right now I am hooked up to IV fluids, IV antibiotics, a breast pump, and a wound vac. I have more tubes running in and out if me than anyone could ever way...

My incision looks extremely better. Even the nurses were impressed. I just hooe the wound vac continues to work like it has...

I am scared to go home... and it isn't because I just love being at the hospital. I am scared of getting home and something else falling apart and having to turn back around and go back to the hospital again... we have made three trips in just over 2 weeks.

And tomorrow I should be released to go home. I've fought off 2 infections since being here. I hope there isn't a third.

I am scared to go home though... scared that something else will go wrong and I will have to endure the pain that I had to go through the last time I was home. I've already cried about it...

I am going to lay down and watch tv for a while... I hope my outlook on tomorrow gets better...

Saturday, August 24, 2013


I am in more pain now than ever before, save that Saturday night after having Si and almost passing out from the pain. I wish i could pass out right now. I just want it to stop...

I cannot even hold my precious baby boy :( and I feel like I am a burden to everyone, especially my mom. She stayed with us last night to take care of Si. I simply cannot do it right now. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself.

All of this is so humiliating. It isn't supposed to be this hard. It feels as though there is a double edged knife in my gut and it is being twisted and turned at various times. It comes out of nowhere.

Please Lord, help my pain go away. And help me to remember that this whole ordeal is helping to make me a better person and a better Christian. Please help my doctor and my home health nurse to see how much pain I am in so that they can help me minimize it. And please be with my family through this because I have not been able to be myself for 2 weeks now and it is getting worse instead of better. Please help my body to heal without anymore surgery. And when I feel like I cannot continue because of the pain, remind me of Janie and Si, Jason, my mom and daddy, Jami and Emmie, because that will help me persevere through the pain.

I have asked a great deal in this prayer, Dear Lord, and I want to tell You how thankful I am for the infinite blessings you have allowed me to have. Baby Si is a happy, healthy, beautiful baby boy; I could not have gotten anything more in that area. 

My daughter is my saving grace; and she helps me see the good in people everyday. Her heart is tender and her intentions are pure. 

Jason truly loves me no matter what. He is my rock through times like this. He is also my best friend. He has helped me more in the past two weeks than I could have ever imagined.I love him with everything that I have and thank You for putting him in my life. 

My momma has put her life on hold to stay with us help take care of Si while Jason takes care of me. She has spent numerous nights at our house rocking Baby Si to sleep, washing and sterilizing bottles, changing poopy diapers, among many other things. I could not have asked for a more wonderful mother and friend.

My daddy has helped us in every way that he possibly could. He even donated sick leave days to me through the school so that I can be off with Si and because of all this surgery. Otherwise I would only have two more weeks off (for a total of 4). He wants to learn how to pack my wound from my c-section so that he can help Jason do that over the next however many weeks. And right now he is outside on the back deck trying ti finish up the roof and screening. He is my SuperMan.

My mother-in-law, Jason's mom, has been here every day that my momma hasn't been here to help us with Baby Si. She has cooked us some of the finest suppers I have ever eaten and helped to organize my house so that we can find things in a hurry. She was born to be a hostess and is the best one I have ever been around. No one can cook like she can, not even Paula Deen! 

I hope You know how thankful I am for each and every person You have put in my family. I love each and every one of them. I thank You for allowing me to be a part of their lives and I hope my presence in their lives is as much of a blessing as they are in mine. 


Back to the hospital...

now they are talking about re-admitting me to the hospital and using a wound vac on my incision...
my home health nurse sounded excited that they would use the vac on my wound so I am trying to be positive...

2 percocet in me and i am a new woman. i know that they will be worn off in about 45 minutes though... which scares me... :(

back to the hospital we go...

Thursday, August 22, 2013


Went to the doctor today. Jason's mom kept Si for us at her house, which made the whole trip much easier. 

Doc had told me on Tuesday to take two Percocet before coming in because she knew it was going to be very painful for her to try to scoop out the blood from the hematoma.

Very painful is an understatement

I said things in that doctor's office through tears and clenched teeth that even surprised me. Why is it that cursing seems to help relieve stress??? Doesn't make much sense, honestly... But somehow it helped.

After laying there through agony for about 5 minutes (which I promise seemed much longer than 5 minutes) she asked me about having surgery tomorrow morning to get the rest of the blood out. Which means I would be put to sleep and she would really be able to get in there and clean all of it out.

So I am scheduled for out-patient surgery at 8:30 in the morning, and we have to be at the hospital by 6 o'clock.

So we are staying with Jason's parents tonight because it is closer to the hospital and Janie is going to stay with my parents so they can get her to school. She doesn't know this yet... I feel like I haven't spent much time with my Janie lately... And this just makes it worse... But I will be able to make up for it after all this is over :)

I have to pump, then wash bottles, and pack for us to stay with Jason's parents... After I take a little nap though...


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Bed rest

Momma stayed with us last night to help with Si. Jason is sick with a sinus infection, and I am, well, still dealing with all the stuff from my c-section and the complications. 

When I got up this morning my left foot, ankle and leg were very swollen. My right side is swollen also but nothing like my left side. I'm also swelling through out my abdomen.

Oh and my blood pressure 165/101...

So now I'm on lateral bed rest... fun fun...


Today I found out that the hematoma that formed the night that Si was born after my c-section has burst through my incision. And that is where the blood has been coming from. I also found out that it will take much longer for me to heal from this surgery because instead of remaining sewn together, the doctor had to cut through some of my stitches and pull out as much of the old blood (gag) from the hematoma as possible and pack the wound with gauze. 

And Jason has to help me by packing the incision with gauze two to three times a day...

Oh, and did I mention it hurts like hell???

When I was pregnant with Si and I was getting to the point of being so very tired of being pregnant, people would often cheerily say to me,

"It's all going to be worth it!"

And do you know what I wanted to do to those people??

Punch them in the face.

Because how were they to know that it would all be worth it?

It felt like counting your chickens before they've hatched.

Well, after what I went through today, and now that Si is here, the chicken has hatched. And he is so beautiful and so healthy and so perfect :)

And yes, I can say, it has been totally worth it :)

Sunday, August 18, 2013


Apparently I am running a fever... it's good that Percocet contains Tylenol because that's helped my fever this afternoon. I knew the Percocet was out of my system when the fever came back...
It's time for things to get better instead of worse ;)

Hopefully tomorrow I can write about something completely positive :)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

epitome of cuteness

Better day today so far. Although I have to remember that yesterday was actually a very good day until about 6 o'clock when I realized I was bleeding...

Jason, bless his heart, has been such a good husband through all of this. First the pregnancy wasn't exactly easy for him (crazy hormonal wife who cried at the drop of a hat) and now this? A c-section patient who seems to keep having random complications... And he has yet to complain.

He's become my nursemaid. I never expected him to step up to the plate like this. I had actually already bragged about him to my sisters-in-law just 2 days ago because he has been so attentive and helpful.

I never expected him to have to help me change bloody clothes a week after my section. Now he deserves even more bragging...

I can tell Janie is a bit jealous of all the attention that she isn't getting. She's not exactly jealous of Si, she's just acting a bit different. Kinda like, "hey, look at what I just did" because she needs some affirmation that she is still important.

And she definitely is. So I am absolutely giving it to her. She was worried last night because she knew something was wrong and after I was feeling up to it, I explained to her what happened. Not in any great detail, of course, but she was happy with my explanation.

My sister and her family came to visit us! Emmie kept repeating "Baby Si!" over and over again. It was absolutely adorable!
That little girl is the epitome of cuteness! I remember when my Janie was that age... I miss my little baby Janie. But now I have my little baby Si :)

Too bad they can't stay young and innocent forever...

Friday, August 16, 2013


It is Friday. We came home on Wednesday from the hospital with our beautiful baby boy :)

It has been a miraculous past few days!

Until tonight... when my incision started bleeding. I was sitting in the office pumping milk for Si and when I got up, the chair was full of blood and my pants were soaked thru...

So now I am laying in Janie's playroom bed with a new bandage on, praying that the bleeding stops.

I hope tomorrow is a better day...

Sunday, August 11, 2013

I have a son...

Si was born yesterday! All 8 pounds 14 ounces of him :D and he is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

My water broke around 6:20 yesterday morning and I woke Jason up shortly thereafter. I didn't even have my bag packed to take to the hospital and I never imagined that my water would break on its own. Needless to say we packed as fast as we could and headed to Mobile.

My epidural didn't take so I ended up with an epidural and a spinal block. The surgery went smoothly and Si was born at 11:32 am.

He is a beautiful child! I am so very truly blessed by God.

Yesterday afternoon I was in more pain than I have ever been in my life. There has been no other pain I have ever experienced that is comparable to what I felt like yesterday evening. Thankfully my parents and Jason's parents had already left. I had every nurse on the floor in my room at one time. They even called the nurses that were with me earlier in the day to coke back because something wasn't right. Then they called the doctor who performed the c-section.

After 4 hours of crying, begging, and even having an anxiety attack, they determined that I have a hematoma in between two of the layers of stitches. My blood pressure dropped to 60/35 and I honestly thought I was about to die... I couldn't breathe... it was the scariest moment of my entire life...

They gave me something for the anxiety and tried getting my pressure back up but it seemed to take so much longer than I'm sure it actually did. And then once I felt better, it happened again. Finally by 11 o'clock last night I was somewhat better. Not 100% by any means but I was able to fall asleep.

Today has been a much better day :D I got to hold my beautiful baby boy! He is so sweet and perfect! I cannot get over how miraculous it all is... and how blessed I am...

I just got a dose of Benedryl because I am apparently allergic to morphine and any other good pain relievers other than Percocet. And I got a dose of Ambien so that I can sleep...

Sweet dreams...

Friday, August 9, 2013

8 pounds 14 ounces

Long, long week. Went to work all week and got things prepared for a class that wasn't even on my schedule until Tuesday (one also that I was told I would not have to teach until January). Thankfully I can use things I already had done for another class to take care of it.

Ultrasound on Monday showed that Si weighs 8 pounds 14 ounces... thankfully we have less than a week to go!

It's Friday and it is still hard to believe that in less than one week I will have a son.

A son.

I've never actually said those two words together out loud before.

I am going to have a son

Sunday, August 4, 2013

thank God for c-sections

Much better day today :D and I have one product to thank for it! Witch Hazel. It has been my go-to remedy for the past 4 days and when I woke up this morning I was pleasantly surprised to NO PAIN! Well, no hemorrhoid pain that is. But it has been so much worse than anything else during this pregnancy that I actually felt virtually pain free today.

So I no longer feel as though I may go insane :D

Ultrasound tomorrow at 9:45 and a doctors appointment tomorrow at 10:15. So we will hopefully get to see just how big our big boy baby Si is... If he was pretty much 8 pounds last Monday, that means he should be 8 lbs 8 oz tomorrow... goodness gracious... thank God for c-sections... (remind me of that after I have one and they gut me and sew me back together..)

Friday, August 2, 2013

so much pain

13 days to go... and I am more than ready to have this baby... this has been a rough week. No sleep, pain in places I didn't even know I had, and more pain in the places that were already hurting bad enough. I keep thinking only 2 more weeks and it will be over, I can handle anything for 2 weeks...
Now I'm not so sure. I feel as though I may go crazy first. I now feel horrible for the people that live in chronic pain. This is miserable.

And hemorrhoids are THE DEVIL.