Saturday, August 24, 2013


I am in more pain now than ever before, save that Saturday night after having Si and almost passing out from the pain. I wish i could pass out right now. I just want it to stop...

I cannot even hold my precious baby boy :( and I feel like I am a burden to everyone, especially my mom. She stayed with us last night to take care of Si. I simply cannot do it right now. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself.

All of this is so humiliating. It isn't supposed to be this hard. It feels as though there is a double edged knife in my gut and it is being twisted and turned at various times. It comes out of nowhere.

Please Lord, help my pain go away. And help me to remember that this whole ordeal is helping to make me a better person and a better Christian. Please help my doctor and my home health nurse to see how much pain I am in so that they can help me minimize it. And please be with my family through this because I have not been able to be myself for 2 weeks now and it is getting worse instead of better. Please help my body to heal without anymore surgery. And when I feel like I cannot continue because of the pain, remind me of Janie and Si, Jason, my mom and daddy, Jami and Emmie, because that will help me persevere through the pain.

I have asked a great deal in this prayer, Dear Lord, and I want to tell You how thankful I am for the infinite blessings you have allowed me to have. Baby Si is a happy, healthy, beautiful baby boy; I could not have gotten anything more in that area. 

My daughter is my saving grace; and she helps me see the good in people everyday. Her heart is tender and her intentions are pure. 

Jason truly loves me no matter what. He is my rock through times like this. He is also my best friend. He has helped me more in the past two weeks than I could have ever imagined.I love him with everything that I have and thank You for putting him in my life. 

My momma has put her life on hold to stay with us help take care of Si while Jason takes care of me. She has spent numerous nights at our house rocking Baby Si to sleep, washing and sterilizing bottles, changing poopy diapers, among many other things. I could not have asked for a more wonderful mother and friend.

My daddy has helped us in every way that he possibly could. He even donated sick leave days to me through the school so that I can be off with Si and because of all this surgery. Otherwise I would only have two more weeks off (for a total of 4). He wants to learn how to pack my wound from my c-section so that he can help Jason do that over the next however many weeks. And right now he is outside on the back deck trying ti finish up the roof and screening. He is my SuperMan.

My mother-in-law, Jason's mom, has been here every day that my momma hasn't been here to help us with Baby Si. She has cooked us some of the finest suppers I have ever eaten and helped to organize my house so that we can find things in a hurry. She was born to be a hostess and is the best one I have ever been around. No one can cook like she can, not even Paula Deen! 

I hope You know how thankful I am for each and every person You have put in my family. I love each and every one of them. I thank You for allowing me to be a part of their lives and I hope my presence in their lives is as much of a blessing as they are in mine. 


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