Doctors, doctors, doctors

Two doctors appointments yesterday. One with my OB-Gyn and one at the wound care center. My OB expected my incision to be completely closed. But it's not. So she's not releasing me to go back to work until the beginning of December. (I should probably add here that she wants to make me as happy as possible because all of this is their fault -- their as in the doctors who performed the c-section and later on did not do what they should have to stop the bleeding...)

The doctor at the wound care center changed the type of dressing that I will be using. It's some type of special pad that will help absorb the excessive drainage and blood that it has been producing. It definitely feels different. It is supposed to pull the skin towards it, helping it to close faster.

We will see...

My grandfather fell two nights ago and cracked his hip. The bad hip that he broke about 5 years ago. So in between my doctor appointments Jason and I went to Spring Hill to see him. I assumed they would do surgery, but since it is only fractured part of the way through, they are going to keep him through the weekend and release him Monday to rehab. 

So this completely changes things that my mom had planned for November. She was going to Dothan and taking Janie this coming weekend for the Peanut Festival, but now, probably not...

Ahh well.

More blood

Well my incision is now 9 centimeters across and .9 centimeters tall. There is absolutely no depth to it at all :) 

I've come a long way since this first began back in August. Then it measured over 22 centimeters wide, 7-8 centimeters deep, and at least that tall.

But here's the strange thing... it is bleeding more now than it was a week ago. 

When I stepped out of the shower this evening, blood ran down my legs and onto the floor. And it just kept pouring. 

Jason got me some paper towels to clean up most of the blood, and he's not concerned. The nurse did say that as long as it's bleeding that means it is getting good blood supply which it needs to heal.

I just don't understand why there's more blood...

There should be less.

No more vac!

No more wound vac!!!!!

I'm not completely healed by any means, but the doctor said I didn't need the vacuum anymore :D

I am a happy camper :) :) :)

Should I post pictures?

I have numerous pictures of my incision that we started taking about 5 weeks ago. I haven't posted them anywhere because they are pretty graphic and gruesome. 

But I am thinking about posting them here... I'd need to upload them to my Flickr account and embed them in an entry here... I'm not sure yet though... graphic images of an open c-section incision... 

Too much??

Bottles

I am sitting on the bed, holding Si and rocking him. He woke up at 3 wanting a bottle and since it had only been just over 3 hours since his last bottle, I made him a 4 ounce bottle instead of a 5 or 6 ounce one. 

I wish I had blogged more when Janie was this age. So I could compare more... I know that I shouldn't compare my children, but there are so many things I cannot remember. Little things. Like how old she was when I upped her bottles from 4 ounces to 5 or 6.

Jason's mom thinks we should try putting Si to sleep on his stomach and maybe that would help him to sleep better... because of him having his days and nights mixed up. But after going through him crying for hours during the day, him being mixed up on days and nights isn't as big of a deal to me...
Yesterday was the first day out of the previous 6 days that Si didn't cry for at least 3 hours.

And I'm not talking about that mindless tearless screaming that newborns do randomly in short bursts when they are cold or hungry.

This was a gut wrenching, fearful cry that actually produced tears that streamed down his beautiful cheeks. The kind of cry that hurts a mother's heart because she cannot figure out what to do to help her baby stop hurting. 

So I am dine with being up with him in the middle of the night. If that's what it takes to keep him from crying during the day. 

At least there's usually Law & Order reruns on all hours of the night somewhere on satellite ;)

Stroller

So... yesterday I made my first excursion out of the house with Si without having Jason with us. We went to the school to turn in the sick leave request. I decided to take the stroller so that I could just stroll Si around instead of carrying him the whole time.

It was a good idea, in theory anyway...

Since I picked up the stroller to put it in my car and to get it out of my car, I haven't been able to move as freely today. I haven't been experiencing hardly any pain for over a week and this is a sharp stabbing burn in my abdomen.

From one side to the other and all throughout my incision. 

So... yeah...

Not my best idea as of late...

Sick leave request

I finally finished the letter I am turning in to the board requesting my coworkers to donate sick leave days so that I can stay off from work...

On August 10, 2013 I had a C-section. Initially, the surgery went smoothly and Si was born at 11:32 am. That evening around 7 o'clock I was in more pain than I have ever experienced in my life. I had every nurse on the floor in my hospital room at one time. They even called the doctor who had performed the C-section back to the hospital because of the amount of pain I was in. After four hours of crying, begging, having an anxiety attack, and my blood pressure plummeting to 65/30, they determined that I had a hematoma in between two of the layers of stitches. 

I was told that they were hopeful that the hematoma would resolve itself over time. This is not, however, how things worked out. I was released from the hospital on Wednesday, August 14th. By Friday, August 16th my incision had started to pour blood. I went back to the doctor on Tuesday, August 20th and found out that the hematoma that formed the night that Si was born after my C-section has burst through my incision. And that is where the blood has been coming from. I also found out that it will take much longer for me to heal from this surgery because instead of remaining sewn together, the doctor had to cut through most of my stitches and pull out as much of the old blood from the hematoma as possible and pack the wound with gauze. And my husband has to help me by packing the incision with gauze two to three times a day.

I went back to the doctor on Thursday, August 22nd for her to try to scoop out the blood from the hematoma. Very painful is an understatement. After laying there through agony for about 5 minutes (which I promise seemed much longer than 5 minutes) she asked me about having surgery the following morning to get the rest of the blood out. This means I would be put to sleep and she would really be able to get in there and clean all of it out. So I was scheduled for out-patient surgery at 8:30 the following morning, Friday, August 23rd.

After being home for less than 24 hours, the home health nurse called the hospital to have me re-admitted for pain management and to be outfitted with a wound-vac. I was also given 4 units of blood because my hemoglobin level had fallen to 5 (a normal level is 12). I have fought off two infections through all of this. I have been admitted to the hospital a total of 3 separate times. A home health nurse comes to see me at my house every Monday and Wednesday to change the gauze from my open C-section incision and re-hook up my wound vac. Every Friday I make a trip to Mobile to the Wound Care Center to see the doctor there and have them re-evaluate my incision and redress my wound. 

I have been told by the doctor at the Wound Care Center, that I will need a minimum of 2 more months off from work, and I will exhaust my sick leave well before that time comes. I hope to return to work by November 6th. I would much rather return to work healthy than stay where I am presently, but to make that return a reality, I would really appreciate any donated days my colleagues would be willing to spare during this difficult time. 

Gotta love technology

Today was definitely a Monday. My cell phone service was completely gone this morning. Which meant that I couldn't get in touch with the home health nurse to find out when she would come to my house. It also meant that I didn't know when or if I could take a shower before she showed up. AND I couldn't call my mom to come stay with Si so that I could take a shower and have the nurse change my wound dressing. 

Thankfully I was able to use Facebook to contact my sister-in-law and get her to call my mom for me.
Gotta love technology :) even when it causes problems you wouldn't have had without it ;)

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡

I remember missing Janie being a little baby that I could rock to sleep. I absolutely adore rocking Si :) 

Granted, I adore it most when I am well rested and least when I am tired. Such as between the hours of midnight and 5 am.

;)

Days and nights

Si has his days and nights mixed up... and it is becoming miserable for me... now that Jason has gone back to work I am the one who must get up and stay up with him in the middle of the night. It should be easier than this, I swear...

I have started driving again. It had been over a month since I last drove anywhere. It felt strange to be driving again. I was so uber careful I'm sure I aggravated the people behind me because of my lack of speed ;)

According to the doctor and nurses at the wound care center I am healing at a very fast rate. I have got the letter for the school board asking for coworkers to donate sick leave days to me almost ready and I hope to finish it tomorrow. This blog helped me tremendously in writing it. I was able to pull from the writings right after Si was born for most of it.

I had better get some sleep while Si is asleep. Maybe tonight will be better...

Walking

Tomorrow Jason goes back to work. He has been off with me for the past four weeks. It will definitely be different without him here, but I'm sure I can handle it :)

The home health nurse is scheduled to come tomorrow so I will need someone here to stay with Si while she changes the dressing on my incision. Either Jason will come home then or his mom will come over. Both Si and I have doctor appointments on Wednesday in Mobile and then I have to go back to the wound care center in Mobile on Friday. I can already tell there is an air leak around the port for the vac this time. It started yesterday and has gotten a little more noticeable today. I am hopeful that it holds until the nurse comes tomorrow. 

We went walking today. Just up the street and back but it was a good feeling just to be outside for a change.

So much more

I just laid Si down from rocking him to sleep after he finished his bottle. Jason is asleep beside me. He goes back to work on Monday. So I will be doing all of this on my own. He has been getting up with Si every night since he was born because of how sick I have been. He really is an awesome daddy :)

Still no word on my sick leave. I need to contact the insurance company about my short-term disability... since this whole ordeal has been much more than a routine c-section. Maybe they will agree to pay me more than the standard 8 weeks. I sure hope they do.

I remember after Janie was born being ready to go back to work. I think becoming a mom was overwhelming for me then. Also having to do so much by myself because her daddy was always gone working away from home didn't help much either. But this time I am not anywhere near being ready to go back.

I would love to be a stay at home mom. I do miss the people at school. But I live being here so much more :)

17.5 centimeters

I had an appointment at the wound care center today. It went much smoother than last week. No tears at all today. The pain has become much mire bearable than it was in the beginning and I can move around so much easier. It is amazing how much better I am now. Last Friday my incision measured 20.5 centimeters across. Today it measured 17.5 centimeters across. It has closed 3 whole centimeters!! Which is awesome!!

The depth of the wound in the center is 6 cm which is about the same as it was last week. And the goal of all of this is for it to heal from the inside out without leaving any voided space that could become a problem later (such as an abscess).

I am still looking at being off from work for 2 more months. And I don't even know if my sick leave has been approved... I simply cannot go back to work like this. I surely hope that it is approved soon...

Today I took the breastfeeding pump I had rented back to the store. It kinda made me sad... to know that I really absolutely would not be pumping any more. I had wanted so badly to do it this time. But it just didn't work out that way...

Antibiotic

The doctor at the wound care center was blown away that I'm not taking an antibiotic to prevent infection. But that also means that some of the medicine could get into the breast milk that I pump for Si. So it looks like I won't be pumping much longer...

He said I could continue to give Si the milk, but I would have to watch him closely and check for signs of a rash...

Nope.

It's not worth making him sick. I've been able to pump and give him milk for 3 weeks. And that's all I can do. It does make me sad, though. I had really wanted to do this. But pumping also puts a strain on my body and could cause it to take longer to heal.

So it makes sense to stop, right?

Wound care center

At this very moment, Jason and I are at the wound care center. This is quite possibly the scariest place I have ever been... there are elderly, sick people everywhere. I am the youngest person here, save the two young children running around in the waiting room... I would never bring Janie or Si here if I could help it.

I think it's time for another Percocet... I wish I had an Ativan or a Xanax... I may need it to make it through this appointment...

Duration

Today has been a much better day than yesterday. My outlook in life has returned to normal. So I don't feel hopeless, at least today I haven't.

Jason's parents got us a king sized bed for the living room because I cannot make it upstairs to sleep in our bed. This is the first night in a month that I will be sleeping in a bed next to my husband.
It is an awesome feeling :) I didn't realize how much I had missed sleeping next to him until I could actually do it.

Today when Brooke and I were having a random text message conversation, I realized something. Since I walk so slow now and so stooped over, and I always carry this little purse with me everywhere I go (even to the bathroom) I bare a stark resemblance to Sophia from The Golden Girls...

And that is proof that I have kept my sense of humor through all of this ;)

I hope I am able to keep it for the duration.

Breaking point

This pain is to the point of unbearable. I'm not sure how much more I can take. And it doesn't feel like anyone around me truly understands what absolute agony this is.

Right now, at this very moment, I loathe my life. And if it wasn't for Janie and Si, I honestly don't know what I would do ..

On-call home health nurse

Home sweet home...

Although it was definitely an experience getting here and even being here... on the way home, maybe 20 miles from the hospital, I realized that the dressing for my wound vac had come loose and I was leaking blood and fluid all over my pants. Of course I freaked out (just another item to add my my Murphy list) but Jason stayed calm. He called my home health nurse who said she would try to contact the wound care center (but of course they were already closed because bad things like to happen to me right after closing time) and she told Jason what to do to fix it if he could. And if he couldn't then she would call the on-call nurse to come to my house.

As soon as we got home Jason was able to fix the leak and everything was fine. That was about 6 o'clock. It's now half past 8 and I have another leak. From a different place than what Jason fixed. So he called Tammy again and she contacted the on-call nurse who is now on her way here.

This has been one helluva day. It's been a helluva past 17 days!

Murphy's Law

Now I am ready to be home. It has been a trying day so far. So many problems have crept up I cannot even begin to detail them all. Throughout this entire hospital stay, Murphy's Law has ruled my world. The biggest one was my wound vac that I was to be sent home with didn't work.

So we have been stuck at the hospital for the past 2 hours waiting on a new one.

I am so ready to hold my baby Si. And I am so damn ready to see my Janie. I have felt lost without her...

I have never in my entire life been so ready to be home. It is time. It is past time.

17 days

Si is 17 days old... out of the past 17 days, I have been in the hospital for 10 days.

And today I go home.

I am scared to death...

Prayer

I am in more pain now than ever before, save that Saturday night after having Si and almost passing out from the pain. I wish i could pass out right now. I just want it to stop...

I cannot even hold my precious baby boy :( and I feel like I am a burden to everyone, especially my mom. She stayed with us last night to take care of Si. I simply cannot do it right now. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself.

All of this is so humiliating. It isn't supposed to be this hard. It feels as though there is a double edged knife in my gut and it is being twisted and turned at various times. It comes out of nowhere.

Please Lord, help my pain go away. And help me to remember that this whole ordeal is helping to make me a better person and a better Christian. Please help my doctor and my home health nurse to see how much pain I am in so that they can help me minimize it. And please be with my family through this because I have not been able to be myself for 2 weeks now and it is getting worse instead of better. Please help my body to heal without anymore surgery. And when I feel like I cannot continue because of the pain, remind me of Janie and Si, Jason, my mom and daddy, Jami and Emmie, because that will help me persevere through the pain.

I have asked a great deal in this prayer, Dear Lord, and I want to tell You how thankful I am for the infinite blessings you have allowed me to have. Baby Si is a happy, healthy, beautiful baby boy; I could not have gotten anything more in that area. 

My daughter is my saving grace; and she helps me see the good in people everyday. Her heart is tender and her intentions are pure. 

Jason truly loves me no matter what. He is my rock through times like this. He is also my best friend. He has helped me more in the past two weeks than I could have ever imagined.I love him with everything that I have and thank You for putting him in my life. 

My momma has put her life on hold to stay with us help take care of Si while Jason takes care of me. She has spent numerous nights at our house rocking Baby Si to sleep, washing and sterilizing bottles, changing poopy diapers, among many other things. I could not have asked for a more wonderful mother and friend.

My daddy has helped us in every way that he possibly could. He even donated sick leave days to me through the school so that I can be off with Si and because of all this surgery. Otherwise I would only have two more weeks off (for a total of 4). He wants to learn how to pack my wound from my c-section so that he can help Jason do that over the next however many weeks. And right now he is outside on the back deck trying ti finish up the roof and screening. He is my SuperMan.

My mother-in-law, Jason's mom, has been here every day that my momma hasn't been here to help us with Baby Si. She has cooked us some of the finest suppers I have ever eaten and helped to organize my house so that we can find things in a hurry. She was born to be a hostess and is the best one I have ever been around. No one can cook like she can, not even Paula Deen! 

I hope You know how thankful I am for each and every person You have put in my family. I love each and every one of them. I thank You for allowing me to be a part of their lives and I hope my presence in their lives is as much of a blessing as they are in mine. 

Amen.