Wound care center

At this very moment, Jason and I are at the wound care center. This is quite possibly the scariest place I have ever been... there are elderly, sick people everywhere. I am the youngest person here, save the two young children running around in the waiting room... I would never bring Janie or Si here if I could help it.

I think it's time for another Percocet... I wish I had an Ativan or a Xanax... I may need it to make it through this appointment...

Duration

Today has been a much better day than yesterday. My outlook in life has returned to normal. So I don't feel hopeless, at least today I haven't.

Jason's parents got us a king sized bed for the living room because I cannot make it upstairs to sleep in our bed. This is the first night in a month that I will be sleeping in a bed next to my husband.
It is an awesome feeling :) I didn't realize how much I had missed sleeping next to him until I could actually do it.

Today when Brooke and I were having a random text message conversation, I realized something. Since I walk so slow now and so stooped over, and I always carry this little purse with me everywhere I go (even to the bathroom) I bare a stark resemblance to Sophia from The Golden Girls...

And that is proof that I have kept my sense of humor through all of this ;)

I hope I am able to keep it for the duration.

Breaking point

This pain is to the point of unbearable. I'm not sure how much more I can take. And it doesn't feel like anyone around me truly understands what absolute agony this is.

Right now, at this very moment, I loathe my life. And if it wasn't for Janie and Si, I honestly don't know what I would do ..

On-call home health nurse

Home sweet home...

Although it was definitely an experience getting here and even being here... on the way home, maybe 20 miles from the hospital, I realized that the dressing for my wound vac had come loose and I was leaking blood and fluid all over my pants. Of course I freaked out (just another item to add my my Murphy list) but Jason stayed calm. He called my home health nurse who said she would try to contact the wound care center (but of course they were already closed because bad things like to happen to me right after closing time) and she told Jason what to do to fix it if he could. And if he couldn't then she would call the on-call nurse to come to my house.

As soon as we got home Jason was able to fix the leak and everything was fine. That was about 6 o'clock. It's now half past 8 and I have another leak. From a different place than what Jason fixed. So he called Tammy again and she contacted the on-call nurse who is now on her way here.

This has been one helluva day. It's been a helluva past 17 days!

Murphy's Law

Now I am ready to be home. It has been a trying day so far. So many problems have crept up I cannot even begin to detail them all. Throughout this entire hospital stay, Murphy's Law has ruled my world. The biggest one was my wound vac that I was to be sent home with didn't work.

So we have been stuck at the hospital for the past 2 hours waiting on a new one.

I am so ready to hold my baby Si. And I am so damn ready to see my Janie. I have felt lost without her...

I have never in my entire life been so ready to be home. It is time. It is past time.

17 days

Si is 17 days old... out of the past 17 days, I have been in the hospital for 10 days.

And today I go home.

I am scared to death...

Scared to go home...

Right now I am hooked up to IV fluids, IV antibiotics, a breast pump, and a wound vac. I have more tubes running in and out if me than anyone could ever way...

My incision looks extremely better. Even the nurses were impressed. I just hooe the wound vac continues to work like it has...

I am scared to go home... and it isn't because I just love being at the hospital. I am scared of getting home and something else falling apart and having to turn back around and go back to the hospital again... we have made three trips in just over 2 weeks.

And tomorrow I should be released to go home. I've fought off 2 infections since being here. I hope there isn't a third.

I am scared to go home though... scared that something else will go wrong and I will have to endure the pain that I had to go through the last time I was home. I've already cried about it...

I am going to lay down and watch tv for a while... I hope my outlook on tomorrow gets better...