Saturday, May 23, 2015

Dear Janie,

I save voicemails and even back the files up whenever you or my daddy leave me a message. If something ever happens to either of you, I will always be able to hear your voices...

One day you will understand how it feels to be a parent. How it feels to have part of your heart and soul walking around outside of yourself. How horribly scary and infinitely wonderful that can be all at once. How absolutely empty and drowning it all feels when your child disobeys or falls short.

Earlier this week a past student of mine came to visit us at the high school. A few months ago she had a very bad car wreck and almost died. She spent over a month in Birmingham in the hospital before being released and having to go to USA Women's and Children's hospital 3 times a week for her neck and spinal injuries. She is still wheelchair and cannot walk. She may never be able to walk again. She wears a backbrace and a neck brace at all times. She also does not have use of either of her hands.

I cried when I tried to talk to Chantel. The only words I could muster through my tears (and ugly crying face) were, that we loved her. But all I could think was what if that was my child. What if something happened to my Janie or my Si? That's where the tears flowed from. My unending love and worry for both of you.

If I cannot trust you on small things, I cannot trust you with big things. Like going on a trip to Point Clear, or going anywhere that you aren't 100% with me or your daddy. Your daddy doesn't want you to lie to him either, I promise.

I know you think I am mean, and you probably think I am too strict. You and Si are the most important people in my life. And my most important job while I am here on earth is for me to be a good Momma.

I love you Janie. More than you can understand.



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