Teenager Janie

Your life has changed me. The day you were born was like a new beginning for me too; a change that will forever lay soft upon my heart. Everything in my life is sweeter because of you. The days and fleeting moments with you are only a breath in time. They linger briefly and fly away on the wings of tomorrow. Thank you for making my life so much more than I ever imagined it could be. You are precious in every way; the sunshine in my day, the joy in my soul, and the love of my life.

My person

I completely stole this from my cousin Joanna...

Lifelong commitment is not what everyone thinks it is. It's not waking up early every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It's not cuddling in bed together until both of you peacefully fall asleep. It's not a clean home and a homemade meal every day. 

It's someone who steals all the covers and snores. It's sometimes slammed doors, and a few harsh words, disagreeing, and the silent treatment until your hearts heal. Then...forgiveness! 

It's coming home to the same person every day that you know loves and cares about you, in spite of and because of who you are. It's laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid. It's about dirty laundry and unmade beds without finger pointing. It's about helping each other with the hard work of life! It's about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud. 

It's about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at 10 p.m. to eat because you both had a crazy day. It's when you have an emotional breakdown, and your love lays with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay, and you believe them. It's when "Netflix and chill" literally means you watch Netflix and hang out. It's about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane.

Living with the person you love is not perfect, and sometimes it's hard, but it's amazing and comforting and one of the best things you'll ever experience. 

Listen to your babies

There has been a lot of drama going n lately. There's been some stuff with Women's League and at the time I was like this is crazy! Then I found out about the possibility of my job moving to another town and I was all bummed out about it. Then last night I read this...

There seems to be a lot of confusion about what's going on so I'm just going to tell y'all. We are in desperate need once again MORE THAN EVER for your prayers. It seems like we are always going through a struggle with our children but we always come through stronger than ever. I pray for Landon's healing and strength! I pray for the strength that we need to stay strong for him. Yesterday he was a normal little boy playing baseball in the yard, last night around 10:30 he started complaining that his tummy hurt (like usual), we gave him his daily medicine and he went to the bathroom then went to bed saying his tummy felt better (again this is a normal thing for us). He woke up about an hour later throwing up and screaming in pain trying to use the bathroom again, this was a little unusual. We tried giving him a little extra medicine to help him thinking there was still more for him to get rid of. He gripped the toilet with his hands and feet screaming, crying, and pouring sweat. Jeremey Tillman and I decided it was time to take him to the emergency room bc we couldn't get relief for him and the vomiting was a little concerning. We get to the ER thinking he just has a blockage (we have had this problem before, they give him meds to clean him out and the problem is solved) over about 8 hours he completely lost his color, was extremely lethargic, lips were blue, dehydrated, and couldn't even fight the nurses while they stuck him 14 times trying to get blood. They took him for a barium enema (test to try to see where the obstruction was where they inject dye and see where it's getting stuck, during the test the doctor came to the waiting room and told me that the second set of blood work they had done came back and it was significantly worse in just those few hours meaning he needed surgery and would be taken for surgery this afternoon. Just a few minutes later the manager comes to get me out of the waiting room to take me into private so the people doing the study could come talk to me. They informed me that Landon's heart had stopped. They had intubate him and we're doing chest compressions to try to revive him. It took them 18 minutes to get him back. They wheeled him by us in the hallway and couldn't stop bc they had to take him straight into surgery. They had to remove a huge part of his colon bc it had died. Due to this his kidneys and liver took a hit too and they are having to watch them. He has a colostomy bag to allow his intestines to heal, they are having to watch his lungs and heart due to the cardiac arrest and compressions, and they are having to watch for brain damage due to lack of oxygen. Please, PLEASE listen to ur babies no matter how old when they tell u something is wrong with them and figure out what it is. One day we are normal and having tummy aches due to what we thought was the normal constipation, the next my baby is in icy fighting for his life! Please listen to your kids and pay attention to signs! And PLEASE KEEP OUR LITTLE MAN AND OUR FAMILY IN YOUR PRAYERS!!

Now all the things that are going on or going wrong in my life seem so very miniscule. I cannot imagine what this family is going through. And I just heard that there isn't any brain activity showing for Landon.

My heart is breaking...

Relationships

Great relationships just don't happen.. They are the result of a consistent investment of time spent, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, patience, affection , a mutual respect for each other, and rock solid commitment. Don't take your person for granted, show them you love them every chance you get & make sure they never wonder where you stand in your relationship. When you can both actually say that your person is your best friend then you know you have an amazing strong relationship.

Eleven years ago

I found this old entry I wrote when Janie was about 9 months old... Over eleven years ago!!!

10.12.2004 @ 10:57 am

everyday



janie is growing more and more curious every day. she can even stand up by herself now! well, maybe that isn't exactly correct... i have to stand her up, but she can stand there once someone else stands her up. understand?

she is also getting closer and closer to standing on her own literally. she will pull up to her knees. or she will put her hands down in front of her and straighten out her legs so that she is bent in an upside down "v". i keep worrying that she is going to topple over head first, but as far as i know, that has yet to happen.

she is getting more and more beautiful everyday.

Apparently I had an aversion to using any capital letters when I was blogging back then.  It is so very strange to look back at entries from my old blog. It goes from 2004 to this year. Thorough the births of 2 children and two marriages. Through 2 c-sections (one very uneventful and another almost too eventful). Through 3 different jobs and a hundred different friends.

There are so many things that are different, but yet so many things are the same... It doesn't make me sad to read through my old entries, but it does make me feel as though I have grown. Grown as a teacher, as a wife and especially as a mother. It has a been an amazing journey so far and I can't wait to see where it goes next!!

To the depths of me

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won't hold them against me,
Who loves me when I'm unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me,
and Who looks for the divine potential of me...

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...

Because marriage means opportunity To grow in love in friendship...

Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements...

Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage Expecting another to make them whole...

Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me,
I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...

Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

(Mari Nichols-Haining)

The Dangers of the Last Days

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. they will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. they will be cruel and hate what is good. they will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. they will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Si's 2nd Birthday Party

Today we had Si's 2nd birthday party at Jason's parent's house. We only invited family which turned out perfectly. Janie spent Wednesday-Friday night's with Ashley and Grasey, so I was extra happy to see her today :-)

There are times that I absolutely love being in this family. I have the best mother-in-law and father-in-law in the history of marriages. They have always gone out of their way to make sure that Janie and I know we are an important part of their family. I cannot begin to list all the ways they have helped us. From cooking Sunday dinner to cleaning our house from top to bottom when I was in the hospital after Si was born, and everything in between.

I am truly blessed!

Dear Justin & Jamie

I want to thank you and Justin for opening your home to our family. We have had an amazing time and I look forward to visiting in the future. I know that Jackson doesn't have as much to offer as your neck of the woods does, but if you ever want to come visit please come and stay with us.

I have made memories that I will cherish forever! Jamie, you are a wonderful hostess. Justin, you are such a good man. Just like my Jason, Big Gene and my daddy (take that to heart... I don't compare just anyone to my daddy)

Both of you will be wonderful parents. I saw the way each of you were around Si and it makes my heart happy to know that this new baby will have two adoring parents. Don't ever forsake your family. They are the ones that will stand by you no matter what, even if it isn't to their advantage.

Remember that no relationship is perfect. Remember to never take each other for granted. True love is wanting your partner to be happy more than you care about your own happiness. If more people today realized that, the world would be a much happier place.

Cherish this pregnancy, Jamie. Write a journal and take pregnancy belly pics that you can show to your child when she/he is older. My favorite part of Janie's babybook is the part I did before she was born. After she was born I never seemed to have the time to do it. God has blessed you with this child. Motherhood is by far the hardest job I have ever had, but it is also the absolute best one I have ever had.

love & marriage

I will never forget how a wonderful woman once told me how absolutely in-love she was with her husband. She was probably in her early 60s then. She said that her children and grandchildren were merely pluses added to her already wonderful life.

http://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/

Dear Janie,

I save voicemails and even back the files up whenever you or my daddy leave me a message. If something ever happens to either of you, I will always be able to hear your voices...

One day you will understand how it feels to be a parent. How it feels to have part of your heart and soul walking around outside of yourself. How horribly scary and infinitely wonderful that can be all at once. How absolutely empty and drowning it all feels when your child disobeys or falls short.

Earlier this week a past student of mine came to visit us at the high school. A few months ago she had a very bad car wreck and almost died. She spent over a month in Birmingham in the hospital before being released and having to go to USA Women's and Children's hospital 3 times a week for her neck and spinal injuries. She is still wheelchair and cannot walk. She may never be able to walk again. She wears a backbrace and a neck brace at all times. She also does not have use of either of her hands.

I cried when I tried to talk to Chantel. The only words I could muster through my tears (and ugly crying face) were, that we loved her. But all I could think was what if that was my child. What if something happened to my Janie or my Si? That's where the tears flowed from. My unending love and worry for both of you.

If I cannot trust you on small things, I cannot trust you with big things. Like going on a trip to Point Clear, or going anywhere that you aren't 100% with me or your daddy. Your daddy doesn't want you to lie to him either, I promise.

I know you think I am mean, and you probably think I am too strict. You and Si are the most important people in my life. And my most important job while I am here on earth is for me to be a good Momma.

I love you Janie. More than you can understand.

❤,

Momma