Dealing with...

I just read an article about dealing with a mean teacher.

Maybe I can find an article about helping my child deal with the horrible special needs child in her classroom without being ostracized for standing up for herself...

Sometimes I feel like my daughter is at a disadvantage because I am a teacher in a small town. I cannot voice my opinion (about anything really) without fear of retribution solely on the premise that I am a teacher.

Couldn't have said it better myself

from a dear friend of mine who has been through much of what I have been through in the past few months...

"Well it has taken me sometime to be open about a decision that I have made not just for my wonderful husband, who has been my rock and my shelter but for my children who make me wanna be better every day. I have received a lot of private messages asking me how have I lost my weight? And this has been a very private matter between my family & close friends , but as I sit here watching "My 600lb Life" I can't help but see myself on this show. No I never reached that big in weight but close enough to where I was in Congestive Heart Failure , and I see myself in everyone one of these people who are fighting to get their life back.. I have struggled with My weight my entire life, yo yo diets, and trying to hide away a lot of pain, and as I got older my emotional pain got worse. So what does almost every heavy set woman do, she hides it and hides it well, usually behind a great smile and BIG personality. Trying to be the life of the party and the most outspoken, just to hide the physical & mental abuse, not just from family ,but so called friends and even strangers. So in some ways I've become a master manipulator of my own self.. And not until I started this journey of finding myself my true self , did I realize that. So, I had some tough decisions to make , well at least at the time I thought they were tough decisions, and now that I've made the decision to FORGIVE, I look back and tell myself it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was one of the best gifts I could give myself to FORGIVE those who have done me wrong but also to FORGIVE myself for whom I've done wrong. So my next decision was to have the Gastric Bypass surgery and that is the 2nd best decision I've made for myself.. There is no looking back, it is onward and upward for me and my family. I have had some of my, who I thought were my friends, that I shared this with leave me some pretty hurtful messages, telling me it was a coward way out to face my demons head on..Well my decision was not made for anyone else other than myself and my family .. I am sharing my story because I want to be honest with you all when you ask me how did I do it, I'm not ashamed. I just had to come to terms before telling everyone something so personal. So please understand why I hesitated.. Thank you and I love you all."

~ Kimberly Holley

friends

I have realized lately that because of the changes in my life (my divorce, my marriage, the birth of my son, among others that I can’t right now place) I have gone from being a very popular friend, to having very few, if any, friends at all.

Honestly, this scares the crap out of me.

I have watched my mother be friendless almost her entire adult life. She spends virtually all of her time now taking care of her parents (my grandparents – one with Alzheimer’s and the other with more physical maladies that I can fit into one blog post). The days she is not there, she is working part-time for the health department helping mothers who are on the WIC program learn how to feed their children with allergies and sicknesses that I hope to never have to understand. Her best friend in my sister. She takes the time every now and then to make a trip to visit my sister and her family (which is about 3 hours away) and it gives her a nice break from being the sole caregiver for my grandparents.

I don’t want to be like her one day.

I can name four people I consider my true friends. Each I have known for over 10 years. I don’t talk to any of them every day.

I realize that there are people who once were a part of my life that no longer are because the only time they reach out to me is when they want something from me. I don’t care to be someone who is taken advantage of because of certain skills I possess. The people (some of them in my extended family) that I have chosen to exclude from my everyday life because of their snobbish behavior are assuredly not worried that I don’t include them in my inner circle. If they were, they would make more of an effort to be a part of mine and my children’s lives. I absolutely hope and pray that I raise both Janie and Si to be better people than some of the adults they encounter.  

obnoxious

Just because you think you're right doesn't mean that you are. Everyone has an opinion. You don't need to be the loudest and most obnoxious person just to get your voice heard. The squeaky wheel may get the oil, but it may also get replaced.

You might feel better for a little while if you prove your point. But you will likely cultivate an enemy or at least some animosity between you and the person you just caused to feel inferior.

Never interrupt someone when they are speaking. Unless someone is on fire, about to fall off a cliff, or drowning, let whoever is talking finish their thought. When you interrupt someone you are subconsciously telling them that their voice is not as important as yours, therefore they feel as though they aren't worthy. It's a horrible feeling.

Ever

Chris picked up Janie for her to spend the night with him at his parents' house...

This will be the first time she's spent the night with them.

Ever.

I miss my Janie so much...

I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't dwell on this... but I cannot help but to be overwhelmed by an empty sadness that is trying to consume me.

And I can't help but to think, is this how Chris has felt every night for the past 3 years?

I feel like a horrible person for wanting her home... I texted Chris earlier and asked him to please tell Janie that I love her. He said that he would and told me that she was having a good time with her cousins. 

That did make me feel better.

But I still miss her...

Still friends

Today Janie's daddy came to see her for the first time in almost 6 months. I'm not faulting him for his absence; he has been working 1500 miles away and couldn't really help it.

They have been texting back and forth every day for the past week. Her face lights up when she talks about him :) 

When he got here today he asked if he could take her to see his parents. Of course I said yes. They left around 3:30 and I said she needed to be home by 8:30. 

The whole time she was gone I felt that a part of me was missing. It was a retched and horrible feeling. A feeling of emptiness and hopelessness... I held onto Si tight and rocked him longer than usual while she was gone... 

Chris had her home before 8:30 and he and I got to talk and catch up. He's missed a great deal since he's been gone for so long. But he is trying to make up for it.

I am so very blessed.

I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby boy, a precious daughter that is my saving grace, and I have a good relationship with my ex-husband. Not many people can say they've gone through a divorce and are still friends with their ex. But I am absolutely glad that I am.